I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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