20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
