i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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