I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
