I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
