I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
