i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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