Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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