Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
