I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
