I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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