i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
