First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
