We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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