yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
