It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
