Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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