Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
