He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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