I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
