they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
