You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
