At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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