fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
