I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
