We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
