I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
