the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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