She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
