who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
