I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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