But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
