I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize