pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
