I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
