If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
