I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
