My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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