Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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