This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
