Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
