Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
