I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
