You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
