i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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