Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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