Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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