holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
