honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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