meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
