I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize