i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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