i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
