You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
