We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
