my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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