FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
