no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
