This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
