I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
