Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is wine microwaveable?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
