The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
