Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
