it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
