Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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