But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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