I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
