I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize