IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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