Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
