I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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