there was a trapeze. enough said
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
