you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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